TryingToLetGod

Hi Everyone. I am posting this because I am in desperate need of support. I am the mother of an 18 yr old daughter who has been troubled for a very long time. Since she was small, she has been manipulative and sneaky. Her father and I divorced when she was small, and like I'm sure happens many times, my family tended to favor her and make allowences for her because of the divorce. I was against it from the beginning, but I was always made to feel unreasonble, or selfish, and ultimately, I was ignored. As she began to get older, she became aware that people considered her a victim, and in more than one way she was. But, she used this and began to manipulate people in order to get her own way. As she got older older, it just got worse.

Everytime she didn't get her way, or she was reprimanded or disciplined, she would cry and play the victim. Claiming that she felt unloved or unnaccepted. Most people fell for this. It became a bigger and bigger problem as time went on, and as her behavior became more destructive, I had to resort to more drastic measures. Counseling did not work. After a run with truancy and drugs, I removed her from school and homeschooled her. All the time being told by my family that I needed to make her feel loved and accepted. Being told she was acting out, as though it was an excuse. Things seemed to get better over time, and eventually I began to gain more trust in her, but I was still careful. In the last year, our family has gone through some crisis and she has begun to behave destructively again. I was not aware of it at first, and when I became suspicious, she cried to everyone about how bad I made her feel about herself.

Everytime I questioned her or confronted her about anything, she would become all teary eyed and weepy. I was chastized by my family again and told that I needed to give her more independence, and make her feel more important. That I was partially responsible for her behavior because she didn't feel loved, and she had a lot of stress. Well, she recently turned 18 and began really becoming a problem. Completely irresponsible and disrespectful. and two days ago on my birthday, she went out with a man......who my husband and I disapprove of, and came home loaded. I mean, barely able to speak. Xanax and alcohol. She had been out with him before, and I suspected she'd been drinking, but couldn't prove it. This time you couldn't miss it.

Well, I took her cell phone away and told her we'd discuss it in the morning. She left. She said she was a better judge of what was right for her, and that we were controlling and emotionally unsupportive. In going through her phone I found out that this man had given her drugs and alcohol on more than one occassion. I also found out that she was involved in a very sick internet relationship with some 30 yr old in CA. I am at the end of my rope. I have 4 other children to consider, and I can't have her putting them at risk. I have been attacked for this by my mother and my sister in law, and when I tried to defend myself, I was told that I needed to take responsibility for my part in this problem. I am not nor have I ever been a perfect parent, but I don"t feel responsible in anyway for this. In fact, I would have to say that I haven't been hard enough on her. They disagree. They think I have hurt her self esteem, and that she needed to escape from me. They admitt that what she has done is bad, but that she's crying out for help. That she needs to feel accepted.

How can I help some one who doesn't want it, and if they don't want it, why is it my fault. I am having a really hard time with what she has done. I am scared for her and angry, and then top it off with a guilt trip from my family. I have no idea where she is, other than with this man, and she has one friend that she doesn't know is giving me some info, but she hasn't told her where they are either. I feel like I'm losing my mind. No one has bothered to express any sympathy for me or my husband.. It's all about my poor daughter who needs help, and the horrible way she feels about herself.

Am I crazy? I'm angry and I feel betrayed by her and my family. My husband is out of state right now for business, he had to leave today. I could really use my family, but they aren't there. I want to find her and drag her self absorbed butt to rehab and leave her there. I am so sick of have to walk on eggshells and watch everyword I say. I am feeling pretty desperate. I am trying to handle all of this, with little or no support from family. I feel like I'm having a nervous breakdown. Someone please help me. What can I do?