Thanks to everyone for replying. I have my WEAK moments but I've got to stay strong. He texted yesterday wanting to "fix" this....there is NOTHING to fix in my opinion, other than himself.
I'm sad beyond belief. It hurts to know that I am just another one of his ways to get thru his addictive life. God that hurts. I have a bottomless pit in my stomach and can't eat or sleep.
I'm MAKING myself go camping with a large group of friends this w/end. Friends that were too "boring" for him to hang with and so we never went around them before and if we did he would end up embarrassing me to no end. It was always his friends that he wanted around and they weren't even really friends - they were fellow drinkers/druggies. I don't really want to go camping but my therapist and I thought it was a good idea to get myself out there and try to enjoy a good time without the usual worries I have when I'm with him. So I'm faking it till I can make it.
But I'll say it again...I'm hurting. A hurt that I've never felt in all my life. I wish I could fast forward through this pain but I know that is impossible so I'll cry when I need to and smile when I can.
Thanks for letting me vent.