Hi Juju,
Well, you have a lot on your plate and I know how hard all this was for me to deal with. I have 2 kids too and the A did/does not think there is a problem. Even after almost dying in a DUI and a limb amputation he does not have a problem according to him.
I have learned that it doesn't matter what he thinks. The drinking is a problem for me. I cannot cure it...it is out of my hands. I tried a lot of things to control it like talking, crying, screaming, depression, hiding, counting drinks, lying and more and none of it helped and all of those things made me a wreck and didn't help me one bit.
I finally found something that helped me though, and that was working on getting me healthy. I am reading Alanon litereature, coming here, attending
F2F alanon meetings, individual counseling, and breaking out of my self imposed isolation. Come to find out, there are a lot of people that have been through what I have, and I find listening to their experience, strength, and hope quite helpful, soothing, and therapuetic.
I have learned that in my situation I was not functioning well. I was just like the A because I denied I had issues. Well guess what? Now that I have begun to peek my head around my curtain of denial I am finding out that the world can be full of fun, joy, laughter and delight.
Please keep posting.