last night
OK, well, made through last night. The one boundary I have is to refuse to engage/involve myself when he is drunk. I'll speak to him only if necessary, and will only listen to him if it is intelligent conversation. I won't listen to ramblings, negative remarks, etc. It worked pretty well last night. He tried to engage me, but I refused to take the bait.
This morning, he says he is going to make an appt with a counselor. I hope so. But still adamantly refuses to quit altogether, nor sees the need to.
I wonder what other boundaries there are? All I've heard is to leave them. I wish it was that simple. But maybe it is. Take the kids and go to a hotel for the night. They know dad can drink too much, and we've discussed how alcohol makes people do and say things they wouldn't normally. They're 8 & 10. But I worry that leaving will only create a scene and make things worse for them.
He has improved, as I said in my original post. Tenfold. So there is some progress. This is really the first "bad" night in 6 months, whereas before it was just about every night. And, even comparing the definitions of "bad", last night was nothing in comparison. But, as I said to him this morning, time to take it to the next level.
I think I'll try and find an Alanon meeting.
I'll try a short intro!
I'm pretty much a stay home mom. I have a pt job, but it's really not more than a hobby.
Ah has drank for as long as I've known him. He'd get silly, sometimes mean. Missed the red flags completely. Hasn't really been a consistent problem until a few years ago or so.
As I said earlier, his drinking has decreased after a huge blowout we had around the new year. We had some counseling and things were better. He just doesn't see the need to quit altogether. He thinks he can control it, and last night was just a "slip". I can't seem to convince him otherwise.
I know I'm fooling myself sometimes, but I'm making a commitment to myself to not try to minimize anymore. I think I've been too tolerant and not as honest as I should be.
When he's sober, I couldn't be happier. Maybe I will make the most of those times, and maybe come up with some new boundaries for the "other" times. He thinks that just getting slurry is no big deal. And it's not for a non-alcoholic I guess. But as far as he's concerned, as long as he's not hurting anyone, what's the problem? Sometimes I wish he would go back to abusive (verbally, emotionally, a few occasions of manhandling - but always me - never the kids - and they're always asleep when it got to that point) since that's the only way he sees there's a problem.
Anyway, thank you so much for last night. Very interesting points were brought up in your responses, and I'm going to spend some time reflecting on them.
I can't see the forest for the trees right now.
I hope to become part of this community. But I feel like how can I help anyone else when I can't help myself?