I've been checking this site almost dailly since I've found it. It is soooo very helpful. Why is it that when we already know something we still need continuous validation. Or is it just me?
xabf and i talked on last week. I did till him I found coke in my house and am still very upset but will refrain from the lecture. Just want to let him know I care and am concerned and I want him to take care of himself so he can be the father to our daughter that I know he can be. He said he has "seen the light" and is not using. We ended up hanging out most of the weekend. Movies, swimming and took our daughter to an amusement park on Sunday. He called on Monday and said he wanted to come over and bring dinner. I said fine call me later. No call. I called him twice. No response. Same old cycle. But I did not get angry or emotional like in the past. I did wake up once in the night wondering..... I used to stay up all night worrying, sometimes out looking for him, baby in tow.
I'm in a much better place. He called the next afternoon but I did not answer. I'm just going to keep my distance. I really enjoy spending time with him and our daughter but I really have to remove myself as much as possible from his life. I can't believe I am finally at a place where I can talk him without wanting to assault him. (ha ha) I can't believe I'm not sreaming and yelling and trying to control. Can I really be letting it all go???? I'm sure there still be incidents in the future when I get upset (like when he "forgets" to pick up our daughter. But I feel pretty calm right now. Hope it lasts!!!
I credit all the people on this site for helping me get to this point. Thanks everybody.