Hi Idaho...
It IS possible to work on your recovery without going to meetings. Think of meetings as fast-track. Get al-anon literature, self help books (look at the Hazelden site... lots!), post here... and make the meetings you can make. Keep shopping for a group you feel comfortable with.
Now about hubby... if you have ever read over the AA and NA pages, you will see that a lot of those folks tried the program more than once before it sunk in. It may not this time... or it may. But your husband's recovery is up to him. How, when, where... even if.
Addicts recover in a lot of different ways. So do the people who love them. Would you tell someone who'd lost weight using an unusual diet that they hadn't really lost any weight? No. You'd look at the results. YOU know when you need help and support, and what makes you feel stronger, and what makes you feel uncomfortable. 12 step groups are full of people who've been there, who identify, who maybe made a couple of mistakes they could save you from making. But lots of people get better without them. ( I will post later this afternoon so that you can see I wasn't struck by lightening for saying that.)
Hugs,
Smoke