Guilt
I was finally able to get my husband to go to a counselor on Monday. I was sure that this man that we both trust would be able to help. He told us that we have two options - one is 90 AA meetings in 90 days. The other is rehab. He felt very strongly that rehab is the answer as my husband has committed to AA before and never seems to go through with it. After the hour was over, my husband chose to try AA again. I have no confidence that he will stick with it. For me, the answer was to have him go to rehab and get the help that he truly needs. He contends that he has dealt with his alcoholism, despite the fact that I have found two bottles hidden in different places in the house in the last week.
The counselor also told me that I really need to be attending at least three Al-Anon meetings a week. I have tried two different groups and really didn't feel that I fit in. At 29 I was the youngest member and felt that everyone was looking down on me for it. I guess that my bigger problem is that I feel guilty for going to these meetings. I know that it sounds crazy, but I feel guilty for taking the time away from my two sons who are 5 & 7. Since my husband has been unemployed for the past six months I have had to return to work. I hate to take even more time away from my little boys who really need me. What do I do?
I feel such despair right now. I'm not doing a good job as a wife, a mother or even just taking care of me. I have little hope for the future and am confounded by the fact that I am scared to death of life with my husband, but just as scared of life without him. Go figure!
Anyone with words of advice would be greatly appreciated!