I am not sure if I have made it to the next step after the detachement. Or if maybe by staying with my RAH, allowing time to allow for the changes that need to take place is holding me back. I know my family and friends do not understand the hell and the lonliness. I do not want friendships/relationships because others are feeling sorry for me. I have to believe that all I need is inside me. Finding that will lead me to happiness. I think the lonliness is the hardest. I see it in myself and my kids. However, I feel that I have to give my marriage a chance and my kids a chance at their father. Maybe, my thoughts will change on this. I don't know. What I do know is that he is in recovery and that I really feel that I do not know him. I really don't know if I saw a Healthy relationship slapping me in the face! I am trying to meditate and really understand.