He does not have any legal rights to her. I let him pick her up every Thursday for a few hours. Usually she spends an afternoon on the Saturday. She loves her daddy. This Saturday I was going to let her spend the night since it's father's day on Sunday.. he is living with grandma and will have his other 2 children. He is still in the using with friends phase so I think with grandma home to supervise things will be ok.
I've often taken him back into my home because I felt that at least our daughter would see him and I would be there make sure all was well. But the truth is he really is toxic to me and I can't keep him so involved in my life, even for the sake of my child. It's too painful. I really do need to just step away. But I feel the need to maintain some contact because of our daughter. I think if we had no contact for a period of time this would be a little easier. I don't know how to do that though since we have a child.
There has definitely been a pattern. He does fine for months then he'll go out for a beer and just not come home, not call. I've been out at 3 in the morning trying to hunt him down. on a couple of occasions did not show up for 3 days. Then its the "I just stayed away because you're such a bitch and I knew you'd act like this and I didn't want to deal with it". Then it's I'm so sorry let me take you guys out for dinner, zoo whatever.
I've been keeping our contact brief aside from the big blow out when he got the motion to modify his child support. He tried to threaten me that he wouldn't help me when I need him and my response was he isn't consistent anyway so I'd rather have the money. He became very nasty. He really knows how to manipulate me but I told him I'm not afraid and I can stand on my own 2 feet. The truth is he's been an anchor in my life.
I guess stepping out of his way really is the best thing. It's hard to comprehend that I have no control over this but after so much time and hurt it's also a relief.