hi everyone, im not really doing too good im afraid. gonna just keep fighting on to keep my head above water.
I wanted to throw this out there and see what people think, ive done an awful lot of thinking and writing stuff down about the thoughts and things that were happening in my looney headspace before i picked up.
Ive noticed that before i did pick up my mood for a good two weeks prior was becoming more and more erratic, i have also noted that i spontaniously spent money i didnt have- called up old friends i know are no good for me, and reverted to ways of thinking about my partner that i thought i had moved on from , - i was suddenly being very reckless, this behaviour was going on for quite some time before i did the deed and picked up, i dunno i seem to crash- if that makes sense? im doing good, feeling good, everythings ok and right and i love the world and my family and my life then its almost like a darkness descends on me and i go somewhere very very black and horrible- i dont like myself when im like that- but also feel COMPLETELY unable to snap out of it i get agitated and frustrated and feel utterly hopeless.
The trouble is its so hard to work out wether i have some kind of mental illness or the alcohol has MADE me mentally ill
That said my mood and generel state of mind after 60 + days sobriety was quite stable until that week when everything went so crazy- outside of me things were happening that were not too pleasent to deal with , INSIDE of me it was like a warzone- are these just typical symptoms of pre- picking up and relapse- or does anyone think there is something else going on?
I know no med advice but just wondering if anyone can share their experiences, im trying so hard to learn about the time approaching me picking up so i can address it and NOT pick up again
