What addicts do...
My name's Jon. I'm an addict. And this is what addicts do. You cannot nor will not change my behavior. You cannot make me treat you better, let alone with any respect. All I care about, all I think about, is my needs and how to go about fulfilling them. You are a tool to me, something to use. When I say I love you I am lying through my teeth, because love is impossible for someone in active addiction. I wouldn't be using if I loved myself, and since I don't, I cannot love you.
My feelings are so pushed down and numbed by my drugs that I could be considered a sociopath. I have no empathy for you or anyone else. It doesn't faze me that I hurt you, leave you hungry, lie to you, cheat on you and steal from you.
My behavior cannot and will not change until I make a decision to stop using/drinking and then follow it up with a plan of action.
And until I make that decision, I will hurt you again and again and again.
Stop being surprised.
I am an addict. And that's what addicts do.
This a post by Jon that laid me back. It blew me away because my son called last night and did everything he could to push every button I have. I believe every thing in this post is true and pay attention codies. It is not only true for me or Jon...it is true for you too.
They lie, they steal and they take no prisoners!
If we do not take care of ourselves who will?
For me it was a slight setback but I have been doing this a while. I am getting off the bus. But some of you have just realized that your bus is taking you were you don't want to go. Every bus has stops and you can get off or stay on and go a bit further until the next stop.
Way back before Dr. Phil and my life was in shambles and the Beav's addiction was growing and my marriage was falling apart...even I felt like I had to do 100% to "earn my way out of a relationship". Those were not my words then, but Dr Phil has a way of saying things in few words.
The only way to do that is to make yourself well, get your own self in order so you can make decisions. The alternative is leaping and then looking back and wondering if you did the right thing.
That is why our program is about us.
I am in a mood...ask anyone!
JT