Sounds like you are doing some hard soul searching to find your truth, this is a good start. If when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic. This is a hard chunk of truth to swallow.
The good news is, you never have to drink again. If you are interested in AA, The 12 step program of recovery is outlined in the book Alcoholics Anonymous, it is our basic text which the fellowship took its name from. Going to meetings is a great thing to do, but that in and of itself will probably not keep you sober and happy.
You don't have to speak at meetings, just introduce yourself, you don't even have to admit you are alcoholic if you are not sure. There are many types of meetings, I would suggest going to a Big Book study or literature based meetings, the odds of finding someone who has recovered from alcoholism is greater.This person can help you discover your truth.
AA is not the only way to get sober, it is the only program I have experience with so that's what I share. Keep posting and looking, if you honestly seek you will find what you are looking for, We are here to support you.