I spent many many years inflicting pain, chaos, and confusion on my loved ones.
Their trust wasn't earned overnight, and rightfully so.
It helps me to remember that I am the
only one in my family in recovery, both from alcoholism/addiction, and codependency.
Other family members don't have a program to help them past the pain, resentments, and fear that they have in their lives.
So, I must set my boundaries for what I will/won't put up with as far as those members are concerned.
Even though I've been sober over 17 years now, my mother still has a tremendous amount of unresolved anger/resentments.
Our family gatherings are limited to about once a month for a few hours to eat out and see a movie.
It's always pleasant, and we're not around each other long enough for conflicts.
The higher my expectations of others, the lower my serenity
I have also had to be aware of what was in the best interest of my kids (now both grown) and had to learn to put aside my feelings at times. There's nothing worse than having our kids reap the benefits of our own aggravation/anger towards other family members.
My oldest daughter is a prime example of that. She is an active alcoholic, and when she still had custody of her kids, she allowed her own unresolved feelings towards me dictate what she allowed me to do with the grandchildren, which was nothing. She kept them from me. Did that hurt? Yes. However, it hurt the grandchildren far more
