Originally Posted by
sugErspun 
Step 1.
Sobergirl - why didn't you choose the other option (to not get drunk)? If you know what alcohol does to you once you start. I don't understand why an alcoholic would choose to drink. If you truly had the option drink vs not drink - what was the reasoning behind your decision? Or are you gonna believe that you suffer from some mental weakness?
The reason I ask is this. The question was posed to me after my last drunk - I had to consider the fact that maybe I had no choice in the matter and I am doomed to drink, with a body that has a deadly reaction to taking that drink. It's inevitable. It's not mental weakness - it's an illness, don't buy the lies.
But, there is a solution..
I drank because I am an alcoholic of the hopeless type who chose not to use the tools given to me. My mind was drunk long before I went to the liquor store that day and bought the bottles.
What will I do to stay sober this time? My life depends on the fact that I do not relapse again - this I truly believe. So:
I have started over with a clean and honest slate and am working with a wonderful sponsor who is tough on me at the same time as caring. She has some other great sponsees, one of whom has become a friend. I have found a new group which I will join that is filled with lots of happy, joyful sobriety who stick to the big book. (There are also some other great groups I have yet to explore, but I met a lot of people at the conference last weekend who go to these other meetings). I've been praying to my HP (who to me is God) in the morning and before every meeting and before I do anything important.
For instance, I prayed today that God would give me an opportunity to help someone today. About 15 minutes later, I got a call from a fellow AA friend who needed a ride home from work. I then prayed before I went to the 11pm meeting tonight. A fellow AA'er in the meeting said one of those things that make a light bulb go on in your head - something about the powerlessness of alcohol. (You know those lightbulb moments - someone will say the darn simplest thing and it makes absolute perfectly ridiculously amazing sense to you?!)
As for the steps, I have plans this week to do 1-3 with my sponsor. I'm eager to do all of the steps - can't wait to do the housecleaning. I have a hell of a lot of cobwebs in my life that need clearing, and some important amends to make...