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Old 05-24-2008, 06:34 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Hi Sobergirl - great to see you're starting again with a clean slate! You can do it! :ghug2
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Old 05-24-2008, 08:16 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Don't ever let anyone tell you that relapse is a part of recovery. It is not, but it does occur. I am a chronic relapser. Once at 1 1/2 years, and then again at 7 years. I had to find out the truth about my disease. And that took getting honest with a sponsor and what is now my home group. It was in this process and being guided through the steps that has led to sobriety that has meaning, depth and purpose in my life today. A question you may want to consider is this.....Do you think you were part of the decision to drink again? It is the truth found in that question that lays the foundation for me working the rest of the program. If you are at a place where you can not drink and you can not not drink, then there is great hope for you. Because that is a place of hopelessness for me. I have a body that can't process alcohol like other people, and a mind that condemns me to drink. If you are honest, your truth in step one will be revealed to you. I'm glad you made it back.
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Old 05-24-2008, 10:21 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Well done, that took courage AND you helped others! Now you have your clean slate - work it, follow the path *thoroughly* and you WILL stay sober!
Well done
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Old 05-24-2008, 12:52 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by BP44 View Post
Don't ever let anyone tell you that relapse is a part of recovery. It is not, but it does occur. I am a chronic relapser. Once at 1 1/2 years, and then again at 7 years. I had to find out the truth about my disease. And that took getting honest with a sponsor and what is now my home group. It was in this process and being guided through the steps that has led to sobriety that has meaning, depth and purpose in my life today. A question you may want to consider is this.....Do you think you were part of the decision to drink again? It is the truth found in that question that lays the foundation for me working the rest of the program. If you are at a place where you can not drink and you can not not drink, then there is great hope for you. Because that is a place of hopelessness for me. I have a body that can't process alcohol like other people, and a mind that condemns me to drink. If you are honest, your truth in step one will be revealed to you. I'm glad you made it back.

Well put BP. If I could "decide" that I was gonna get drunk or not - I probably wouldn't be sober, I would just decide to not drink. I see people do it all the time, and it's not a problem. I had to surrender to the fact that I am alcoholic - I AM going to drink again and when I start - I am not going to stop.

Step 1.

Sobergirl - why didn't you choose the other option (to not get drunk)? If you know what alcohol does to you once you start. I don't understand why an alcoholic would choose to drink. If you truly had the option drink vs not drink - what was the reasoning behind your decision? Or are you gonna believe that you suffer from some mental weakness?

The reason I ask is this. The question was posed to me after my last drunk - I had to consider the fact that maybe I had no choice in the matter and I am doomed to drink, with a body that has a deadly reaction to taking that drink. It's inevitable. It's not mental weakness - it's an illness, don't buy the lies.

But, there is a solution..

I am glad you came clean - you have a new chance to get free. I know it's not an easy thing to do - but it is ESSENTIAL to recovering from alcoholism.
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Old 05-24-2008, 01:09 PM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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A slip can simply be a learning experience for you towards recovery. Another lesson on what works and what doesent.

It is these lessons, experiences, and trials in life that can help mold us into a healthy recovery.



Tom
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Old 05-24-2008, 07:02 PM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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It happened, as in past tense, over, can't change it. I say get back on the wagon and try again. Make this your last drunk - you can do it!

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Old 05-24-2008, 07:29 PM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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My experience has been 95% of my AA home group welcome be back after my many relapses. However, I dwell on the other 5% who kinda shake their head at me.
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Old 05-24-2008, 09:42 PM
  # 28 (permalink)  
Another Long Rookie Thread...
 
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Well, SG, you helped me stay sober tonight, so you got that going for you--which is nice

I've walked in and out of the liquor store three times tonight to buy lottery tickets. I kept winning on the scratchers, giving me an excuse to go back. I honestly don't know how I didn't buy booze--I'm in full relapse mode and haven't been to a meeting all week. I should say, because I haven't been to a meeting all week.

I hate the title, but I'm a chronic relapser too. I should have almost a year now but I fell of the wagon last fall even while working the steps aggressively, attending a lot of meetings and taking antabuse. I'm well aware that my biggest hurdle remains my spiritual void, and I continue to work on that.

I decided to check out SR tonight as I was weighing one more trip to the liquor store. I'm happy to say I remain firmly planted on the couch without the desire to drink. If I didn't read your post, I'd be gone right now, and five months sober would have reset to Day 1. Thanks for your strength and honesty and be well.
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Old 05-24-2008, 09:43 PM
  # 29 (permalink)  
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Sobergirl, I'm glad you came clean not only with us but at your home group. Thank you for sharing this as it made me remember my early days.

I struggled my first month. I had a "supposed" sobriety date when in reality I had relapsed and was drinking nightly, although less. I made meetings and wanted desperately what they had. I had an awesome home group who made me feel a part of right away. Like you, the guilt was eating at mel I lasted 28 days like that and knew there was no way I could get a 1 month chip. People were already congratulating me on almost being there. I felt like a worm. So I did exactly what you did. I fessed up at an open meeting and picked up a new desire chip. That was almost 4 years ago now. I like to tell newcomers that I did everything wrong the first 30 days except for one thing. I KEPT COMING BACK!!!

Good going and good luck!
Kellye
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Old 05-25-2008, 02:13 AM
  # 30 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by sugErspun View Post
Step 1.

Sobergirl - why didn't you choose the other option (to not get drunk)? If you know what alcohol does to you once you start. I don't understand why an alcoholic would choose to drink. If you truly had the option drink vs not drink - what was the reasoning behind your decision? Or are you gonna believe that you suffer from some mental weakness?

The reason I ask is this. The question was posed to me after my last drunk - I had to consider the fact that maybe I had no choice in the matter and I am doomed to drink, with a body that has a deadly reaction to taking that drink. It's inevitable. It's not mental weakness - it's an illness, don't buy the lies.

But, there is a solution..
I drank because I am an alcoholic of the hopeless type who chose not to use the tools given to me. My mind was drunk long before I went to the liquor store that day and bought the bottles.

What will I do to stay sober this time? My life depends on the fact that I do not relapse again - this I truly believe. So:

I have started over with a clean and honest slate and am working with a wonderful sponsor who is tough on me at the same time as caring. She has some other great sponsees, one of whom has become a friend. I have found a new group which I will join that is filled with lots of happy, joyful sobriety who stick to the big book. (There are also some other great groups I have yet to explore, but I met a lot of people at the conference last weekend who go to these other meetings). I've been praying to my HP (who to me is God) in the morning and before every meeting and before I do anything important.

For instance, I prayed today that God would give me an opportunity to help someone today. About 15 minutes later, I got a call from a fellow AA friend who needed a ride home from work. I then prayed before I went to the 11pm meeting tonight. A fellow AA'er in the meeting said one of those things that make a light bulb go on in your head - something about the powerlessness of alcohol. (You know those lightbulb moments - someone will say the darn simplest thing and it makes absolute perfectly ridiculously amazing sense to you?!)

As for the steps, I have plans this week to do 1-3 with my sponsor. I'm eager to do all of the steps - can't wait to do the housecleaning. I have a hell of a lot of cobwebs in my life that need clearing, and some important amends to make...
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