Candal- I completely relate to you. I am just 30 days into AA and still question how it is possible that I have the life of what for so long I considered to be a non-alcoholics life. I never miss work. As a matter of fact I am a work-a-holic to a degree. I am constantly helping others around me. I have a successful job, home, the two-cars and a great husband! Yet... I also could not do without the wine. For a long time it was just at night. Everynight. Then in the past couple years I acutally started drinking on the job. And no one noticed! It just progressed from there.
One night after several bloody mary's poolside I called a close friend and told her I had a problem with alcohol and I wanted her to ask me if I told my husband about it tomorrow. My husband came home.... I told him... he has been very supportive. I went to an AA meeting the next day and have been trying to do it since. It is a struggle and when I first walked in I seriously did not think it would be for me. But I got my 30 day chip this week and I am really trying to figure out day by day how to make this work.
It has to work! I can not go back to the desperation.
I wish you the best of luck. Try to get to an AA meeting if you can.