Candlechick

Hello,
44 mother of 3, business owner, daily consumer of WAY too much wine...feeling like I've explained my abuse of alcohol in 1000 different ways, none of them the truth. I want to stop, don't understand how I can start my day (with a hangover) committed to staying sober, but come 5:00, I arrive home from work and automatically open that bottle of wine. I cook, I clean, I communicate with my family, all with a friggin' glass of wine by my side! Frustrated I don't have the will power to stop on my own, wondering if there are lots of people like me in the world...what they've done to quit. I feel awful about myself, and I don't want it anymore...help!

Blue77

Welcome. I have the same problem as you. It’s actually hard for me to get through my day without alcohol. But I do for the most part, then I go home at 5:00 and open that bottle of wine. First thing I think about and the first thing I do. Everything I do at home is with a glass (bottle) of wine. I’m still struggling with it right now so I can’t give you much advice. I want to quit so bad but I just get home, the anxiety starts and I can’t seem to function without it. I pray for the willpower to stop this. I’m getting sick because of it. Both mentally and physically. Keep posting...there’s lots of support here.

Rella927

Welcome to SR CandleChick! Glad that you found us!
Please check out our Alcoholism forum and the stickies at the top of the page-

There is a lot of support and a wealth of information here so please know that you have come to the right place! You are not alone!

Others will share their experience, strength and hope with you-

Astro

Welcome to SR Candlechick, I do believe you're in the right place!

Anna

Hi and Welcome!

I'm glad you found us.

CarolD

Hello and Welcome to SR!


Ah yes...the habit is so ingrained and it takes effort
to change our routines.
First...don't keep alcohol at home.
Second...at 5 go for a brisk walk
take a bubble bath.....ride a bike

Yes! you can find sobriety
Millions of us llive joyously in recovery daily.

Blessings to you and your family

Candlechick

I can relate, I don't know what it's like to be completely clear-headed for very long...since I own my own business, I can have wine at the office before I head home, it's way too easy! I find my tolerance is very high, and I've started to forget the last few things I say or do before I go to bed....

hope45

Your story sounds very much like mine. I found in the first few days that it was crucial to change my routine. Find something else to do during that time you usually start drinking. I know it's difficult when you're trying to cook dinner, help the kids with homework, etc. but I found I needed to stay away from the kitchen as much as possible for a while. That was where the wine was and I associated being in the kitchen with drinking. The other thing to remember is that when you get a craving to drink, if you can just ride it out - find something to occupy yourself so you can't drink, it usually goes away after a few minutes. You can do this!

Rella927

kj3880

I am about your age, a successful single mom and professional with a child in college, a mortgage, and 2 cars in the garage. I also had a horrible pain pill addiction that was breaking me over the hamster wheel of addiction. I ended up going to NA and that was where my recovery began. I think, start by going to AA or NA meeting, see what we have to say. I know, I know, you don't have time for that, do you? But you'll be amazed at how much more time you have for things when you're feeling better. Welcome. There's a lot of support and experience on here for you. :day4
KJ

mle-sober

Hi CandleChick,

I'm glad you're here and that you're taking the first steps toward sobriety. Have you considered AA? I drank very similarly to you. Wine, wine and more wine. I was hiding it all from my husband and it became the dominant part of my life - not my kids, not my husband, not my health, not my career. I kept trying to quit for 9 months. I would say I was only going to drink half the open bottle and in the morning, I would check my stash and see that I'd drank the whole bottle and another entire one also.

And then I finally I got caught by my husband. It was so humiliating. But because I'd been trying to quit on my own for so long and had been unable to, I was finally able to ask for help and admit I was a hopeless alcoholic. That was the big turning point for me - the surrender. I was a mess and I needed help and could deny it no longer. I went through a 12 week outpatient treatment program that was very helpful. And I started going to AA. I got a sponsor after about 6 weeks. And I've been logging in here almost every single day. It's very helpful.

Anyway, you asked if there were others like you (YES) and what they'd done to quit (see above) so I thought I'd tell you my abbreviated story... Again, I'm glad you're here.

- MLE

ROFL

It's amazing to me how MANY there are like us. I'm glad you found SR!

Candlechick

I find I can justify drinking in so many ways...I'm a highly motivated professional with thriving relationships in my life, why does my enjoying (way too much) wine at night hurt anything? I'm tired of this rationale, it's not working for me anymore. I find my impressions of things like my marriage, my professional outlook and even how I treat my children have been tainted by alcohol...I just want to be able to have a drink or 2, I still love the celebratory qualities of drinking wine, why can't I be like most other people and stop at 2? I'm a mess, really.

Aysha

tennis71

Welcome to SR!

This is a safe and informative place for you to learn more about alcoholism and how you may be affected by it. I look forward to reading more from you.

Have you looked into any programs of recovery?

Remember to take it one step at a time and welcome again!

Candlechick

Thank you all so much, and I have not tried to enter a treatment program in my life. I'm in control, I don't need that kind of help! I'm actually still in denial enough that I haven't considered a program....yet.

Candlechick

So, here's the plan, I'll be heading home after my 4:30 meeting...status quo would have me at the grocery store to pick up some dinner ingredients (isn't it convenient that I always need something at the grocery store before I go home??) and a whole lot of wine...tonight, I'll nix the wine and see how it goes.....wow, can't believe I just typed that!

Pixy1

Let us know how you get on x

kj3880

Just a suggestion (that's what we do best here), the reason you can't "be like most other people and stop at 2" is that you are an alcoholic. That's what addiction is all about. I'm not knocking you at all. We're all in the same boat here. Just something to think about.
kj

Daddio

[QUOTE=Candlechick;1772552]...since I own my own business, I can have wine at the office before I head home, it's way too easy! QUOTE]

I found that for me it was in a large part changing up routines. Since you own your own business then you as the owner can implement a drug and alcohol policy. And have someone there to enforce it. Wow, then you would have to suspend yourself! How do you think your employees feel about you drinking at work? You don't want them showing up drunk but you can chug the hooch all you want. And don't think for a minute that they don't know.

For me, I have gallons of booze (since I drank it by the handle) still around and a huge collection of vintage red wine. It doesn't bother me. I'm day 571 and counting more. I found that it made me stronger in that I could prove that I was better than the old drunk looking at me in the mirror. But if that gig isn't good for you, change that routine. Don't keep it around.

I'm a firm believer that we can heal a lot about ourselves by just doing it. As I've said in the posts before, I taught myself these behaviors and I can un-teach those behaviors. If that takes you getting into AA or whatever, hop in the car (if you are sober) and go to a meeting. Or call a cab. The main thing is make that first step.

21 to make 21 to break!

And BTW, glad you are here. Nutin but love in this place.

Daddio