I don't think you are wrong, alynn07, but perhaps not for the reasons you are thinking. I would continue to focus on YOU, and what brings peace and serenity in YOUR life. Your RA husband has his own focus, and your motivation doesn't have to be about him on this issue. If the absence of your husband at the function is bringing YOU pain, then you aren't wrong in skipping functions for the family. If these people are a cause of stress for you, then being around them is toxic to YOUR boundaries of keeping a happy focus in life. Turn this over a bit and think about how YOU are being affected, not your husband. Then decide. And choose the one that feels right in your gut, that brings a sense of peace to your body and mind.