Givelove, i needed to read that today.
I agree with you, i'm not saying i completely avoided any news along the way but up until i walked into that room last night i knew nothing and didn't ask. She blurted it out and i guess from there i listened. I did say that i didn't want to know anything and she said sorry but by then it was too late! I think she may have thought i wanted to know, who knows. I know what you mean though, i've wanted to know stuff over the months....guilty
Your exactly right, i do need to give up my drug of choice. I did talk about that yesterday with my therapist about releasing the pain once and for all to receive happiness and that i'm probably passing by great opportunities the way i am right now.
I KEEP telling myself that it is what it is and that nothing is going to change what has happened so i mise well drop it once and for all.
I wish i understood myself better, i feel like a stranger in my own skin and it sucks. ICK.