Hi Susan:
While I was reading your post I remembered back 13 or so years ago when my son went missing for a couple of months, and a court date was nearing.
The worse part of that situation was the fact that I bailed him out of jail and unbeknown to Mr. Dev I had used our home as collateral! He was staying with us and then all of a sudden he was gone! I was almost out of my mind with worry.....especially since I used our home as collateral!
When the court date came, I went there and waited to see if he would show up! MY GOD THERE HE WAS! That day he was sent to prison for 6 years! I thought I would die, but I didn't! I don't know how or why he showed up as he was pretty well strung out, but he did, and he did knowing he was going to be sentenced to prison!
So, who knows, maybe she'll turn up and surprise you. If not, as you said, it's her game not yours. They have to learn to be conscious of their choices and responsible for their decisions.
You and I both know that they do survive jail/prison, and maybe some even learn. Of course this isn't what we had planned for them and we certainly miss out on a lot of the "normal" things as you mentioned; however, such is life, nothing we can do about that except pray that one day we will be able to experience some of the "normal" things.
Keep the faith and remember to trust in the plan that God has for our children. Some wise person on this forum once said "if you're worrying, you're not praying, and if you're praying, you're not worrying!" That's a true story right?
Keep the faith and know you are not alone here.
Hugs, Devastated