still no word, she'll probably miss court
AD has court week of June 16. I haven't heard of or from since Jan 8. Today I am struggling. Having those thought of going to find her so she won't miss court and/or go to jail (she has another warrant that doesn't have a court date). Feeling helpless, anxious.
I haven't looked for her, called anyone, I truly haven't done any codependent mother things. I know jail is a safe place to heal sometimes, I know there is nothing I can do, I know this is her game not mine.
I also know I love my child, I miss her, I want and always wanted the best for her, I forgive her for all she's done, I want her safe, happy, and moving forward. But, in reality I know it doesn't matter what I want or desire, what I mourn--no wedding or baby showers, no church mother/daughter functions, no shopping on Saturdays, no showing off her pictures at work, no watching her play sports anymore, no being proud of her. just the emptyness (sp) that goes along with this hell.
I will be ok, I am much stronger. I will move on but with a hole in my heart.
Keep praying for me and Kasey,
susan