Debbie

Hi all,

Guess its one of those times again when I need to ramble/vent.

Today was the first time I talked to hubby since I dropped him off at detox on Friday. His counselor called me trying to get a feel of my feelings to plan his aftercare. I told here honestly I didn't know. There were feelings of anger, hurt, disbelief running through be at all times. He scared me! I really never thought I'd see the day when he would physically touch me. She understood. I told her I would have to talk to him the first time to see what emotions ran through my soul so she allowed him to call me.

When I heard his voice. I felt bad for him and bad for me that this disease has caused so much destruction in our lives. He told me he was wondering if there was going to be anyone home when he came home. I told him I didn't know. That I am so confused and there are so many issues we need to work through, that I just don't know. Why can't I make this decision? It's eatting at me. I told him I would be at the house when he came home but I didn't know if I could stay here. He then asked if I would go to counseling as a couple and I said yes, I guess thats a start.

This whole thing is so mentally draining. So here I sit. Pouring out what happened, reading the first step of al-anon in one of the books I checked out of the library and crying my eyes out. Maybe this is what I need. A good cry, they always told me it was cleansing. Tonight is that beginners meeting of al-anon. Perhaps another step for me.

Any way, thanks for letting me go on.

You all take care.
Many hugs.
Love,
Debbie