Hello pj!
Welcome to the recovery forum!
The right way to approach an alcoholic? Wow. Alcoholics are individuals, just like everyone else. However, part of the disease is the denial, so the gals are right... you're likely to hit a brick wall no matter what you try.
Pernell and Den (our resident clergy) say they have seen good results from interventions. You can read about this concept at
www.intervention.com . My encouragement for you, however, would be to get thee to an alanon meeting and get a firm grasp on the fact that it's not your fault or responsibility before you go this route. A trained intervention counselor will go over this with you. However, it's mighty important that you not place the measure of your self worth on the success of such a venture. Sometimes they don't work. Sometimes they work temporarily.
Sometimes we can't deter ourselves. Our desire to be worthy human beings makes us want to give helping another our very best shot. We could not forgive ourselves if we didn't. The catch is, once you've given it your best shot, you have to let go. When the user knows you know, and you've presented them with info. on where to get better... you've done your due. The rest is up to them.
Keep posting!
Hugs,
Smoke