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a drinking family member

Old 03-07-2002, 06:12 AM
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pj_sinclair
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What is the proper and most effective way to approach a family member who is an alcoholic? I have a sister-in-law that binge drinks five to six days a week. When she isn’t drunk, she is dour and withdrawn. When she is drunk, she is lively and spirited. I want to help her.

Recently, he co-worker/drinking buddy was forced into an Alcoholic Recovery program at work.

Any suggestions will be appreciated.
 
Old 03-07-2002, 06:52 AM
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From personal experience I can tell you forced never works. In my opinion you can tell the SIL your feelings. Let her know that you will not be there for her when she is drinking. Detach with love from the situation. She will have to decide that she wants a better life. I would be interested in knowing what your brothers role is. An interesting read is Pernell's Addictive Personality post, if you have time. Please keep posting and reading here because her drinking is apparently affecting your life. I'm sure there will be more knowledgable replies than mine.
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Old 03-07-2002, 07:22 AM
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Hi pj_sinclair

FIRST THING FIRST WELCOME TO THE SITE.
I know what you are going though because I have a sister out there using and you can't tell her nothing. I am sorry to say is that the more you tell someone they are a drunk they keep drinking they have to hit there on bottom. You can go to al-anon and it will help you learn more about alcoholics and help you coop with it better. So if you want to talk about this I am here for you and here is my e-mail [email protected]
or leave a post for me to go to the chat room. WELCOME again
SAngelfive
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Old 03-07-2002, 08:59 AM
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Hello pj!
Welcome to the recovery forum!

The right way to approach an alcoholic? Wow. Alcoholics are individuals, just like everyone else. However, part of the disease is the denial, so the gals are right... you're likely to hit a brick wall no matter what you try.

Pernell and Den (our resident clergy) say they have seen good results from interventions. You can read about this concept at www.intervention.com . My encouragement for you, however, would be to get thee to an alanon meeting and get a firm grasp on the fact that it's not your fault or responsibility before you go this route. A trained intervention counselor will go over this with you. However, it's mighty important that you not place the measure of your self worth on the success of such a venture. Sometimes they don't work. Sometimes they work temporarily.

Sometimes we can't deter ourselves. Our desire to be worthy human beings makes us want to give helping another our very best shot. We could not forgive ourselves if we didn't. The catch is, once you've given it your best shot, you have to let go. When the user knows you know, and you've presented them with info. on where to get better... you've done your due. The rest is up to them.

Keep posting!
Hugs,
Smoke
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Old 03-10-2002, 06:00 PM
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pj_sinclair
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Thank you CherylG, SAngelfive, and Smoke.

All three of you pointed me in the right direction and gave me some good advice. I've taken what you've said and come up with the following:

1. Last year, I tried to help her and she adamantly denied she had a drinking problem.
2. There is nothing I can tell her until she realizes she has a drinking problem.
3. I’m going to live my life and not worry about her.
4. If she does ask for help, from a drinking-related incident, I will help, only if she enrolls in a recovery program.

Thanks again to everyone.
 
Old 03-10-2002, 07:13 PM
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Hi pj_sinclair

I am glad that I could help you go into the right direction with what I have said to you. Just keep going in that direction and if need to talk about anything. Then just post. I will be there.

SAngelfive
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