I doing it, I'm calling a lawyer in the morning, he's been gone since Friday night. He beat on me that night then took off, I slipped and I got drunk and smashed in a winshield to one of his crap cars in the barn. (retaliation for him grabbing my neck and throughing me down then smacking my head on the floor) He laid charges against me for it, I didn't deny it and I told the cops I was getting a restraining order against him this Monday. Havn't drank since, healing up and sore all over, No visible bruises even though there should be lots. Really nervous about finally breaking it off for good. Better that way, we know how it works with abusive guys, they only get worse and I am definately not in love with him anymore. There's so much crap here that's going to have to be sold. Really overwhelming. I'll try to stay on the wagon, through it all. Thanks for being here, I definately have no one to turn to here at home, victim services is next to nothing here and the cops won't charge him with the assault anyway. Typical of the country hics here, hard to believe it's 2008 and they this let this go on. Thanks for letting me talk here. Helps with the cycling nightmare flashbacks and panick attacks. I'll get through this. Not like this is the first time I've broken a relationship off.