Wife...
I'm so glad you found your way back to SR.
I think jerect really hit the nail on the head...
I was married to an addict. I know how lonely it can be. I know what it feels like to wait for the other shoe to drop.
On one hand, this new found relationship is bringing something positive to your life...something thats lacking in your relationship with your hubby but this man isn't 'available'. He's unavailable just like your 'hubby' is unavailable due to his addiction. Do you think there might be a pattern here? No need to answer...just something to consider.
I've been divorced for almost 3 years now. I still haven't mustered up the courage to venture out and meet someone new. I'm still healing and trying to maintain peace and stability in my life and the life of my son. I know that, for me, another relationship at this point in my life wouldn't be healthy because I'm not ready. I'm not whole. Not yet, anyway.
I think I would have been very vulnerable had I met someone right out of the gate of my divorce or even during the period of time when I was still 'with' my exah legally and physically. Gosh, I was such a mess. Another man in my life might have made me feel happy for a short while...another relationship might have provided a nice escape from my reality but I know now...looking back...that the relationship wouldn't have been healthy. I would been entering into it from a place of fear, sadness and lonliness.
Are you afraid of being alone? I don't ask this in a challenging way but does something about the idea of being on your own...really and truly on your own...scare or depress you? Lots of people are afraid to be alone and so they jump into relationships right after (or even before) the old one has ended. Doing so doesn't give you a chance to heal...or to concentrate on some of the issues you need to deal with from your last relationship. Its just a band aid.
but I'm sure you know this already.
I certainly don't think your the scum of the earth, dear. I think you're just tired of dealing with addiction and this new guy seems like a nice escape for a while. Just be careful. You are very vulnerable right now whether you realize it or not.
Hugs...