Welcome to SR!
I, too, am a recovering addict. I am also a recovering codie (codependent). I'm not married, don't have kids, but that didn't stop me from focusing on everyone and their problems, trying to "fix" them.
Thanks to the great people here, I am learning to focus on me. It's not selfish, but it is necessary. Your wife is going to do what she's going to do...you can't control the outcome. Obviously, you want her back in the family. But you know that there's much more to recovery from addiction than to just stop using.
Change is really scary, and there are going to be changes. Hopefully, you can find a way to be supportive, but let her work her recovery. You and I have both been down the recovery road, and it's really hard to not try to tell another recovering addict what they should do. I've learned to say "if it was me, I would...... but I know you'll figure it out on your own". I've had to bite my tongue more than a few times.
I hope you stick around here...there is a ton of support and I have learned so much! When I stopped focusing on what would happen to ME if someone does something else, it was a very good feeling. I'm not saying that what she does won't affect you, because it will. I'm just saying that when we realize we can handle whatever HP and life throws at us, we aren't so wrapped up in what the A is doing.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy