Hi Brentsgirl,
I am not sure how long you have been with your boyfriend but you remind me of me when my abf relapsed the first time while he was with me. I was devastated, thought my world was going to fall apart, didnt understand how he could do this to me, I didnt understand the binges, the mind thinking, I didnt get that when he used he was not thinking of me, his family or even himself. Now four LONG years later I get it a little bit better, I understand a lot more about addiction than I ever had before and now we have a son together. Sounds good?? nope I had suffer so much pain from his addiction within the last four years, I mean suffered... and I allowed it to happen. Bceuase after that first relapse I let myself stay in the relationship, allowed myself to stay on the rollercoaster ride... all the UPS and DOWNS for what.... to mainly have pain. Thats what life with an addict is like when you dont put yourself first. Crack is a completely ugly drug, the pull is stronger than anyone love out there. I hate to say this and I may sound like a hyporcrit but I say leave while your ahead... find better for you. Because nothing you say or do could ever change him, make him clean, make him go to recovery.... it is all completely up to him. If he could leave his own child behind... where do you think that leaves you.
Everything is said with much love
Jewelz