Wanting to move on....but can't
I know that this is a process, both for him the addict and for me. But there is still the part of me that is waiting for the morning I wake up and I am not in so much pain, when I am not scared to death for him. When he made the decision to go back to meetings, to focus on his recovery, I had so hoped that this would be it (at least for a while). I knew there would be relapses, but I didn't think they would be so soon. How do you leave a meeting and go and smoke crack? Wasn't that thought in his head during the meeting?
I again want to thank all of those who continue to write & respond with words of encouragement. It means alot and helps me get through another day without him. This outlet has provided a place where I can not only vent my feelings, but also hear that I am not alone and that people have been where I am and where he is. And that it can get better. Thank you.
If you had asked me a year ago if I thought I would be in this situation, in love with an addict, I would have laughed and said no way....yet here I am. And as hard as it has been, I wouldn't change it. I see the wonderful man inside of him and hope to god that he sees him too and fights his demons to let that wonderful man live.
Praying for him still.................:praying