John
Ultimately, our recovery is by and for ourselves. It makes it easier if we can accept that, harder if we expect others to "understand." I tell M'lady and my kids that I don't expect them to understand; in fact I am bloody glad that they DON'T understand. What I do hope they might come to is ACCEPTANCE. They do, but if they didn't, it wouldn't really change anything.
AA wouldn't be very productive if not for the alcoholics in the room. SR is a place of help and solace only because I am not unique here. My mother accepts my issues, but thinks it is a choice. I am glad for people who believe that-they have only their experience to go by.
So many here are struggling with others in their lives for various reasons. I personally think that it is counterproductive to true recovery. When we drink, alcohol is the focus of our lives. It influences every aspect. To me, recovery means removing that influence, that power. It involves change.
That is why I rarely talk about my recovery. I must be more than someone absent alcohol, or else it still wields it's power. I believe that if I am to truly recover, I must simply be me. Absent active addiction.
Just like resentment and anger give others power over us, even if they are absent, so does alcohol if that is all that we are about, drunk or sober. So, if others see me as someone who simply made poor choices or is weak, so be it. Let them love me as they wish to see me. As long as it is sober.
Only I own my addiction. I spent long hours with M'Lady when she felt somehow "responsible" for aiding and abetting in various ways. It wasn't her, it wasn't my parents, it wasn't my job, it wasn't advertising, or our culture of coupling alcohol use with everything pleasant. It was me. And my recovery is mine.
I "celebrated" 10 weeks yesterday. No one knows except for a few here at SR. Didn't tell my family or my love. I no longer celebrate with alcohol or celebrate it's absence. It is out of my life as much as I can manage it. Thus, I am simply free to be me.
This is my approach and it makes sense to me. I don't suggest that it is for everyone.
warren