I had never dealt with an addict either. I as clueless. I went into therapy right away. I knew of a place that I could get free counseling from an intern instead of a psychologist and it really helped. I also started meetings.
In detox, a substance abuse counselor told me that recovery was going to be more lonely and more difficult to understand than living with the addict and she was 100% right. He was going to 2 meetings a day (because he lost his job as a result of his relapse) and several meetings a week in the evenings. I felt like all I was doing was making him coffee and waving good-bye. His phone was constantly ringing from contacts he had made and he was running off to meet with his sponsor alot too.
Give him some space. Like Judy said, he is probably racked with guilt and shame. His self-esteem will slowly return and once he gets solid, perhaps you two can pick up your relationship again. Go to meetings yourself. Addiction, if you are not an addict, if a difficult disease to understand. People here with first-hand knowledge will be very helpful to you. They were and still are to me. I don't think I could have gotten through it without my friends and support system on SR.
