I Just Can't Stop!
I relate my struggles with addiction as being like a hurricane. You can board up windows, buy bottled water and take other precautions. But ya know what? You can't stop the hurricane! I have been abusing Norco/Valium, cocaine and of course alcohol. I don't think I will ever get sober. I sometimes don't think sobriety is worth it. I have been to treatment 5 times, attended hundreds of meetings and even tried to "work the steps". Nothing seems to work and I'm at the point of giving up. I am very afraid of living another 5 or 10 years stuck in relapse after relapse. I think I need to get locked up in a pysch ward or do another in patient treatment to stop. I hate myself and I hate my life. I have not been to an AA meeting in about a week.
I am starting to believe that AA is actually making my life worse. I threw my "Big Book" out in a drunken rage. I guess I feel horrible because I see many people get sober in AA. I admit that the "program" works for a lot of people. I think I am going to get help with a psychotherapist who specializes in addiction. He's not a big believer in the 12 steps and think he might help me get sobriety. Anyways, thanks for letting me vent and reading this post.
Tiburon