I Just Can't Stop!
Senior Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 773
I Just Can't Stop!
I relate my struggles with addiction as being like a hurricane. You can board up windows, buy bottled water and take other precautions. But ya know what? You can't stop the hurricane! I have been abusing Norco/Valium, cocaine and of course alcohol. I don't think I will ever get sober. I sometimes don't think sobriety is worth it. I have been to treatment 5 times, attended hundreds of meetings and even tried to "work the steps". Nothing seems to work and I'm at the point of giving up. I am very afraid of living another 5 or 10 years stuck in relapse after relapse. I think I need to get locked up in a pysch ward or do another in patient treatment to stop. I hate myself and I hate my life. I have not been to an AA meeting in about a week.
I am starting to believe that AA is actually making my life worse. I threw my "Big Book" out in a drunken rage. I guess I feel horrible because I see many people get sober in AA. I admit that the "program" works for a lot of people. I think I am going to get help with a psychotherapist who specializes in addiction. He's not a big believer in the 12 steps and think he might help me get sobriety. Anyways, thanks for letting me vent and reading this post.
Tiburon
I am starting to believe that AA is actually making my life worse. I threw my "Big Book" out in a drunken rage. I guess I feel horrible because I see many people get sober in AA. I admit that the "program" works for a lot of people. I think I am going to get help with a psychotherapist who specializes in addiction. He's not a big believer in the 12 steps and think he might help me get sobriety. Anyways, thanks for letting me vent and reading this post.
Tiburon
Sorry you are having a hard time. I went through this myself along time ago. I did try another way and couseling worked for me. It has been over 7 years now. SMART recovery is about the same as the couseling I recieved. They are listed in recovery programs here. Or you can just look it up on-line.
Not every program is for everybody.
Just trying to help.
Not every program is for everybody.
Just trying to help.
Senior Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 773
Freedom, yes I have learned something from my many treatments and AA meetings. I learned I drink because I hate life and drinking gives me a short term peace. The only problem is the consequences. The arrests, the suicidal thoughts, E.R. trips and thousands of dollars wasted. I have learned that I suffer from real depression. Not the alcohol withdrawal type but the real thing. I have learned that I could die from my alcohol/drug addiction.
The sad part is that I accept that. I learned that some people NEVER recover from addiction. I admit that I do enjoy this web site and it seems to help a bit. I gave AA a chance and now it's time to wake up and try something different. I would love to go to a rehab facility that doesn't use the 12 step philosophy. Of course my limited funds prevents me from doing that. I'm even willing to give organized religion a chance. I'm shaking like a leaf as I write this. Ah the joys of alcohol withdrawal.
Tiburon
The sad part is that I accept that. I learned that some people NEVER recover from addiction. I admit that I do enjoy this web site and it seems to help a bit. I gave AA a chance and now it's time to wake up and try something different. I would love to go to a rehab facility that doesn't use the 12 step philosophy. Of course my limited funds prevents me from doing that. I'm even willing to give organized religion a chance. I'm shaking like a leaf as I write this. Ah the joys of alcohol withdrawal.
Tiburon
I am starting to believe that AA is actually making my life worse.
Tib -
Is it possible you're one of those with 'problem other than alcohol' and alcohol along with the need to relapse ... is more connected to some other brain chemistry thing?
I'm not talking a 'need to relapse' like ...
oh I need to fail at something...
I'm talking the BODY simply will NOT allow the sensation of not being sedated to continue?
Have you considered going to a medical professional for evaluation on brain chemistry?
Maybe it's another disorder?
I dunno.
I know several people who really want to quit - but they don't.
When it gets to that point - I often think it's their bodies making them do it more than a lack of personal control. That they can no more not drink than I can not have chocolate on PMS week.
There's mental health practitioners who can evaluate that stuff.
Just trying to help, hon.
Hi Tiburon, so sorry you're feeling so depressed. Alcohol withdrawal - I could get over that - long term depression - thats something else. I was depressed for a long time but have been lucky in finding a medication that works for me. But I know how devastating it can be. When I was very low, I prayed because I didn't feel there was much else I could do at the time. I hope you find a way for you.
Keep posting and God bless.
Keep posting and God bless.
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