Notices

I Just Can't Stop!

Old 04-24-2008, 09:40 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Senior Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 773
I Just Can't Stop!

I relate my struggles with addiction as being like a hurricane. You can board up windows, buy bottled water and take other precautions. But ya know what? You can't stop the hurricane! I have been abusing Norco/Valium, cocaine and of course alcohol. I don't think I will ever get sober. I sometimes don't think sobriety is worth it. I have been to treatment 5 times, attended hundreds of meetings and even tried to "work the steps". Nothing seems to work and I'm at the point of giving up. I am very afraid of living another 5 or 10 years stuck in relapse after relapse. I think I need to get locked up in a pysch ward or do another in patient treatment to stop. I hate myself and I hate my life. I have not been to an AA meeting in about a week.
I am starting to believe that AA is actually making my life worse. I threw my "Big Book" out in a drunken rage. I guess I feel horrible because I see many people get sober in AA. I admit that the "program" works for a lot of people. I think I am going to get help with a psychotherapist who specializes in addiction. He's not a big believer in the 12 steps and think he might help me get sobriety. Anyways, thanks for letting me vent and reading this post.

Tiburon
tiburon88 is offline  
Old 04-24-2008, 09:55 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
1963comet's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Michigan
Posts: 1,381
Sorry you are having a hard time. I went through this myself along time ago. I did try another way and couseling worked for me. It has been over 7 years now. SMART recovery is about the same as the couseling I recieved. They are listed in recovery programs here. Or you can just look it up on-line.

Not every program is for everybody.

Just trying to help.
1963comet is offline  
Old 04-24-2008, 10:01 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
 
Freedom1990's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Is there anything you've learned from the 5 X in treatment, hundreds of meetings, and trying to work the steps?
Freedom1990 is offline  
Old 04-24-2008, 10:21 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
 
CarolD's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
The key for me was
I wanted to be sober
more than I wanted to drink


I do so hope you will reach that point too.
CarolD is offline  
Old 04-24-2008, 10:34 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Senior Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 773
Freedom, yes I have learned something from my many treatments and AA meetings. I learned I drink because I hate life and drinking gives me a short term peace. The only problem is the consequences. The arrests, the suicidal thoughts, E.R. trips and thousands of dollars wasted. I have learned that I suffer from real depression. Not the alcohol withdrawal type but the real thing. I have learned that I could die from my alcohol/drug addiction.
The sad part is that I accept that. I learned that some people NEVER recover from addiction. I admit that I do enjoy this web site and it seems to help a bit. I gave AA a chance and now it's time to wake up and try something different. I would love to go to a rehab facility that doesn't use the 12 step philosophy. Of course my limited funds prevents me from doing that. I'm even willing to give organized religion a chance. I'm shaking like a leaf as I write this. Ah the joys of alcohol withdrawal.


Tiburon
tiburon88 is offline  
Old 04-24-2008, 10:47 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
same planet...different world
 
barb dwyer's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
I am starting to believe that AA is actually making my life worse.
Yeah, AA is hell on a drinking career, I will agree.

Tib -
Is it possible you're one of those with 'problem other than alcohol' and alcohol along with the need to relapse ... is more connected to some other brain chemistry thing?

I'm not talking a 'need to relapse' like ...
oh I need to fail at something...
I'm talking the BODY simply will NOT allow the sensation of not being sedated to continue?
Have you considered going to a medical professional for evaluation on brain chemistry?
Maybe it's another disorder?

I dunno.
I know several people who really want to quit - but they don't.
When it gets to that point - I often think it's their bodies making them do it more than a lack of personal control. That they can no more not drink than I can not have chocolate on PMS week.

There's mental health practitioners who can evaluate that stuff.

Just trying to help, hon.
barb dwyer is offline  
Old 04-24-2008, 10:51 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
 
caraway's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 558
Hi Tiburon, so sorry you're feeling so depressed. Alcohol withdrawal - I could get over that - long term depression - thats something else. I was depressed for a long time but have been lucky in finding a medication that works for me. But I know how devastating it can be. When I was very low, I prayed because I didn't feel there was much else I could do at the time. I hope you find a way for you.

Keep posting and God bless.
caraway is offline  
Old 04-25-2008, 03:30 AM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Virginia, USA
Posts: 449
Originally Posted by barb dwyer View Post
Yeah, AA is hell on a drinking career, I will agree.
sobergirl77 is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 08:27 AM.