losing control
Hi im new i just wanted to share what was going on with me and hopefully get some helpful advice or inspiration. Ive been married to my husband for 2 years and its been a on and off again thing with him drinking wise. Ive left him many times and as usual i always go back. The most recent thing that has happened with this is that he had been clean from drinking for ALMOST a year. He started using cocaine in jan and used it on the weekends. On sunday i got fed up with him using that because its illegal and im scared that if the cops showed up while he was doing it id lose my kids, and whenever he came down he was really mean! So i left with my two kids. I didnt hear from him until tues and i could tell he sounded drunk and he told me hed been drinking since monday. I also found out he hasnt been working since monday and now his jobs on the line! Im so worried about whats going to happen like with my kids insurance if loses his job and money. I tried to get his boss to go over to our house today to try to talk to my husband, but he wouldnt answer the door. My husbands trying to tell me that he drank because i left and he doesnt understand why i did because he doesnt think he has a problem with cocaine and im just being dumb. He told me that everything he does is because im such a bitch.
I went to my house yesterday to try to get some of me and our kids stuff, i really want me and my kids in our home, but he is refuseing to leave. Hes being selfish and he wont let us stay there, and i dont want to go back if hes drinking because then its just gonna be drama.
He told me yesterday that he wished i was there with him so he could sober up, and he says im not helping him im just making him worse and that im not being there for him. I do feel guilty cause hes saying all of this. I kinda feel like i should go home to help him, but im more worried about my kids then him. I just want my family to be happy and i wish hed just go to rehab im worried that all of this gonna end up with him dead, because he has liver disease, or me dead, or bothe, or one of us in jail! I feel like im losing control and i just wanna go away and cry because im scared that our relationships over. Im scared my kids will grow up without a dad or ones that really ****** up. I dont know if i should go to al anon or not. Im just freaking out. This is like the 100th time ive left him for his issues. Now it seems hes even worse then he ever was becuase hes using bothe cocaine and drinking together.
I just my son home cause hes sad and i cant my husband out of the house! What can i do?