It took me forever to truly "get it" too, Sax. Decades, in fact. I can't even say what finally made me have enough of the deadly game we play. Maybe when I realized I never enjoyed it anymore - it was never fun or relaxing, just something I felt compelled to do. You'll go through many phases, so don't be discouraged. At first I was just thrilled to be alive and no longer a slave, but I was exhausted & nauseous. Now I feel great, & after 90+ days I no longer have any cravings. I wouldn't mess this up for the world. I like Least's idea of keeping a list of bad things that have happened - I'm going to go make my list right now!