Thanks everyone for the replies. I can't tell you how good it feels. I get up in the morning and I just feel immediately happy because my space is so serene.
I'm not blaming exabf for the mess that was, I too was responsible for that. This is why I say, I am cleaning my mind too. I've heard alot in the past that your house (space) is a reflection of the state of your mind and I really do think that is true. I was so uninspired and completely lacked any drive to concentrate on my home because my inner self was so low and lacking in sunshine, all I could feel in my heart was a big black space that felt as if it were growing and sucking me in with it. I felt no drive to rescue myself from it, and it crept up on me so gradually I did not even realise it was there until it was a real problem to me.
My home was the same. Feeling so miserable and lacking in motivation because of my inner self, also I was filled with resentment toward exabf for not pitching in, that I became increasingly disillusioned with my space and as time went on, I spent less and less energy on it. I was so drained from all the mental stress within, I couldn't see how my outer world was crumblimg too.
I am so glad I hit my bottom. I couldn't even tell you when it happened. I just know that at some time during the last 12 months or so I did. It has been a difficult journey since then. I feel that I have had inner realisations that have impacted on my outer world. It is like the ripple effect on water. It began in me, and as time passes, my new found joy and inspiration is beginning to grow and expand into all areas of my life.
I love that spring is here, new beginnings and more sunshine. It is so true though that it begins with me!
Love to you all!
Lily xxxxxxxxx