Thanks Anvil. I have to admit that sitting there listening to her anger and venom spewing forth, and realizing that my heart rate wasn't steadily climbing toward 200, was a strange but very welcome feeling to have. I'm hopeful that by continuing to invite her to talk about this stuff that she will start to let it out. And maybe, just maybe, we can start building a new relationship.
I also realize that there is a chance that that new relationship might not work for us. I'm hopeful that it will, but I'm definitely a different person than I used to be, though I believe it's for the good.
Your similes are pretty amazing. Like I said, I had hoped somebody might be able to provide some insight. I didn't anticipate getting it so clearly spelled out for me. At this point all I know is that I have to keep working to understand myself at the same time. The way I described it to my wife was this: it's like I've been wired one way, and now, after years and years of not knowing my circuits were wired incorrectly (or at least, unproductively), I have to not only cut those wires loose from the points where they're soldered together, but now I have to figure out where the wires do belong AND solder them together completely. I know that won't be easy, but I do feel like the process has begun.