thanks for your messages.... I don't feel brave right now, I feel frankly terrified. I am having nightmares at night, and feeling sad and weepy in the daytime.
I have to work hard to shake this fundamental feeling that i have done something very wrong in disrespecting my parents like this and they are right to be angry with me....
My siblings have not been disowned (although we all said the same things) which makes it even worse. i think that's probably because i'm the only daughter and so my mom has always reserved her worst anger and venom for me.