Illness / pain as an excuse for using??

Old 04-17-2008, 12:40 PM
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Illness / pain as an excuse for using??

Hi all, Does anyone have a relative who uses illness or pain as their excuse for abusing RX drugs? And how do you handle this without coming across as uncaring?

My mom is an alcoholic, and I think she also abuses her Oxycontin prescription.

She claims that she is in constant pain, and needs to take high doses of Oxycontin as a result.

She DOES have a painful illness - however she doesn't show any signs of pain on her current dose - she can talk, laugh, etc - doesn't grimace or hold her breath, moan, clench fists, sweat or anything. She seems fine.... Yet she claims she is constantly in severe pain!

Anyway, she takes extra Oxycontin in combination with alcohol until she regularly passes out/ hallucinates/ talks rubbish.

Does anyone else have a relative or friend who uses illness or pain as an excuse for using?

And if so, I'd be grateful for any advice on handling this.

Thanks all.
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Old 04-17-2008, 01:02 PM
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Originally Posted by howatch View Post
Hi all, Does anyone have a relative who uses illness or pain as their excuse for abusing RX drugs? And how do you handle this without coming across as uncaring?

My mom is an alcoholic, and I think she also abuses her Oxycontin prescription.

She claims that she is in constant pain, and needs to take high doses of Oxycontin as a result.

She DOES have a painful illness - however she doesn't show any signs of pain on her current dose - she can talk, laugh, etc - doesn't grimace or hold her breath, moan, clench fists, sweat or anything. She seems fine.... Yet she claims she is constantly in severe pain!

Anyway, she takes extra Oxycontin in combination with alcohol until she regularly passes out/ hallucinates/ talks rubbish.

Does anyone else have a relative or friend who uses illness or pain as an excuse for using?

And if so, I'd be grateful for any advice on handling this.

Thanks all.


Hi howatch,

Im sorry to hear about your Mother's illness. My husband is dealing with an addiction to Oxycontin. He began using it for chronic back/neck pain and a torn meniscus. He began with Vicodan, but his liver enzymes were elevated, so he was changed to the Oxy. In the beginning, he says / I believe that he was taking them as prescribed. However, the dose he was prescribed was very high in my opinion.

Eventually he began to take more than his months supply and started getting sick. The doctor increased his dose. This lead to breaking the time released seal by crushing the pill and letting it dissolve in his mouth so that it would hit him faster. This is a true sign that the Oxycontin use was not just for pain anymore. We hit bottom (I hope) when he began snorting the crushed pills quite often.

The entire time this was going on, I was in nursing school. I was learning about opiates and did not want him on the meds. I tried everything in my power to get him to stop the pills, but he would always say ,"How can you sit there and judge me for taking my medicine!?" He used the pain management doctor as a crutch to throw in my face. I was just a nursing student, who was I to disagree with the doctor?

This addiction has completely distroyed our lives. We worked so hard to get to where we were and he threw it all away. It has hurt our marriage and our children. He finally admits the problem and is trying to stay clean. From what I have read and been told on this website, we will have to deal with this disease for the rest of our lives.

It is really dangerous for her to drink alcohol while on those meds. (Im sure you already know this though or you wouldnt have mentioned it.) Please try to talk to your Mom about the dangers and about how she can get help when she is ready.

You have made a great decision coming here...It has already made a change in my life.



God bless!
Dawn
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Old 04-17-2008, 01:05 PM
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She doesn't show pain on her current dose because it and the alcohol are masking it. Unfortunately the two together can be life threatening and more so when abused.

About the only thing you can do is express your concern for her health, and educate yourself on the disease of addiction. It's a long road you're on but you've made the first step and it's the most important.
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Old 04-17-2008, 01:13 PM
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Thank you so much for your message. I'm so sorry to hear about your situation, it sounds heartbreaking and very tough.

I know it is really dangerous for my Mom to drink while on Oxycontin.... she says she doesn't care and if we loved her, we would leave her alone to do what she wants, as she's had a tough and miserable life....!! We have told both my parents that she could overdose fatally but the situation continues. We did think of calling her doctor ourselves to see if he knew how much she drinks, but decided it was enabling behavior.

At the moment anyway communication channels are down. My parents have 'disowned' me because I told them she was alcoholic and addicted to the Oxycontin. I laid down some new boundaries which made them particularly angry (e.g. I would not see them alone, without the support of my husband). I am not sure where things will go from here. I think I just have to trust God to look after them, and pray a lot.
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Old 04-17-2008, 01:30 PM
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That was really brave of you. I know how hard it is to take a stand with a loved one. I am really battling with it. I am trying to learn how to leave his addiction up to him, but the control freak in me is standing in the way. I know now that I am only hurting him and I have have have to accept what is and hope he continues on the right path.

I will be praying for you. Thank you for the kind words.
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Old 04-17-2008, 01:48 PM
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My husband took xanax. He used his social anxiety/panic disorder to abuse them. You know "well, one just wasn't enough, I was freaking out so I took 2 more". Those types of excuses came frequently and those numbers increased in quantity in a hurry.

I laid down some new boundaries which made them particularly angry (e.g. I would not see them alone, without the support of my husband).
Your doing good. ((((how)))
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Old 04-17-2008, 02:42 PM
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Unhappy

thanks for your messages.... I don't feel brave right now, I feel frankly terrified. I am having nightmares at night, and feeling sad and weepy in the daytime.

I have to work hard to shake this fundamental feeling that i have done something very wrong in disrespecting my parents like this and they are right to be angry with me....

My siblings have not been disowned (although we all said the same things) which makes it even worse. i think that's probably because i'm the only daughter and so my mom has always reserved her worst anger and venom for me.
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Old 04-17-2008, 03:11 PM
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I used to abuse alcohol/prescription pain medications. It's a dangerous combination that can kill. I doctor-shopped a lot in order to have a supply of narcotics on hand. I loved the numb feeling that alcohol/narcotics gave me.

There are plenty of non-narcotic pain relievers out there on the market today.

I have degenerative disc disease and see a pain management specialist for steroid injections into my lumbar region. I am honest with all of my medical providers regarding my past addictions.

Exercise such as walking helps strengthen my back and abdominal muscles.

Occasionally the back does go south on me like today with severe spasms and that's when I talk to my doctor about a short-term script for mild muscle relaxers.

There is a lot of pain that can be managed in numerous ways not involving narcotics.
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Old 04-17-2008, 06:43 PM
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There is nothing wrong with you setting boundaries with an alcoholic/drug addicted parent! I've had to set and keep boundaries constantly with my mother. She's dual diagnosis. I understand the guilt that you feel. I feel it, too! In my case, my mom's behavior was so damaging, that I absolutely had to stop my exposure to it. I had to either set boundaries, or I'd lose my own mind. I've had some family members back me up, but others have said that I'm too harsh. I just have to do what I need to do, and let the other family members do what they feel they need to do.
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Old 04-17-2008, 07:03 PM
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((((((((Howatch)))))))))




I commend you for speaking your mind to your parents.
How does your dad feel about it? Does he drink?
My mom was an alcoholic too. Her husband drank alot and got mean,
but I don't know whether he was an alcoholic or not. He died in a motorcycle
crash and she drank herself to death after that. They were separated at the time. Fight. Get back together. Fight. Get back together.
It sucked.
I never stood up and told her she had a drinking problem. She probably would
have knocked me on my a$$. lol She was a fiesty broad. I loved her and we were friends. Thing is, if I had been brave enough to stand up and say, "stop this or I can't be around you"...it might have helped. D*mn! See?
I have carried that with me all this time and I finally spew it out to a newbie.
lol Sorry. It wouldn't have helped. I know that.
I just wanna say I think you did the right thing. I wish I had words of wisdom
on where to go from here with what you said to your mom, but I don't.
Just know you have a place here with us on soberrecovery anytime.
Do you attend alanon? That may help too.
Keep comin' back and I'm praying for you and your family.
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Old 04-18-2008, 04:10 AM
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Thank you all so much for your kind messages of support. I can't tell you how much it helps right now.

I am so sorry Bookmiser about your terrible loss. Thank you for sharing with me about that. Maybe it is a small comfort to know that what you said, has helped me greatly! I am indeed a newbie - I only realised my mom was alcoholic in January. Actually I confronted my parents the same month, and they haven't stopped arguing about it with me since, trying to prove there is no alcohol or drug problem, and saying my behaviour is disgraceful etc etc. It is amazing watching their denial at work, now that the scales have fallen off my own eyes.

Anyway Bookmiser it feels like you are saying there is the guilt my parents are currently foisting on to me; and then there is the bigger picture. You've reminded me the bigger picture is more important.

Thank you Bluebelle too. Your experience sounds a lot like mine. Why do we feel guilty for setting boundaries...? I guess because they are breaking 'family rules' and because they make the alcoholic feel some sort of pain?? When I look back at the boundaries i set (I wrote them down so there would be no confusion) they seem entirely reasonable to me! (e.g. if my mom gets mashed at her house, I will leave the room; when they visit me, they have to stay in an hotel .....)

Thanks again for everything you have all said. I am feeling so much better today for it.
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