Thank you howatch and Anvil for your quick responses. I really appreciate it.
We have done a bit of marriage counseling, though recently we were basically "kicked out" because the one we were seeing essentially felt there was nothing she could do for us. There is so much anger/hostility from my wife that that has to be dealt with before there is any chance of us moving forward and starting over.
And you're right, I do need to accept the fact that my wife may just not be able to do this anymore. I suppose what is the most disappointing for me is simply that the only person in my life that I want to at least try to understand why I've been wired the way I am, is my wife. I just had lunch with her to see if we can talk about stuff some more. That is something that, before really starting to work on my ACOA issues, that I would have avoided like the plague. I think she at least recognizes that.
She also said that she has read a little bit of the book I gave her. That was at least a little bit encouraging. And in our conversation, one of the issues she brought up was how difficult it is for me to start a project let alone finish it. She found it pretty enlightening, as she put it, when I told her that if I don't finish it, the outcome couldn't be criticized. Seems twisted given that not finishing it probably generates even more criticism, but it is what it is.
All I tried to explain today was that I am trying to understand why I am the way I am and start changing it. But it won't be easy. I don't know if she'll ever be able to get through her anger toward me. Bottom line right now is she can't understand why I've done this to her. At least now I can start putting some meaningful replies to her questions.