Hi there, my mother was an alcoholic. I was not raised in an alcoholic enviroment however she started at the age 40 by that time I had moved out. She too was a closet alcoholic it did catch up with her he lost her job, her marriage, her home. We begged her to stop, we sent her to private rehabs nothing worked. It was her journey. You can not control her alcoholism, when she is ready to reach out for help she will. They can be quite cunning and tell you what you want to hear eg. Im okay, Im not hurting anyone. I cut my mother off as I did not want my children exposed to her drinking. Still didnt make her stop. You cant' break the stubborness and denial of her drinking. My mother stopped drinking when she had a diagnosis of cirrosis 4 years ago, she passed away at 64 years old 12 months ago. Those 4 years of sobriety were not good ones because she was ill. She did not attend AA, she never tried to make amends all she would say is how many years she wasted, but still did not take responsibility for her previous actions. Her bottom was a horrible illness. Each and every one of them it is different for them. I did call her over the years because she was my mother and I loved her. I always thought what if something happens to her I could not live with knowing that I had cut her out completely. I was with her when she passed away she had fallen in to a coma. Im glad I was there. It has been a year I am at peace knowing that she is at peace. It is a powerful addiction that is so far out of our control. I'm sure your brother does not hate her, he hates what the addiction has done to the family and its his way of coping. My sister behaved the same way she totally disowned my mother, even the sobriety years. When our mother passed away she was devestated she still is. I believe it is anger over the addiction, and not being able to make ammends with her. I did not enable my mother, but I did call her. You need to do what feels right for you. Truly she is not trying to hurt the family, she is an addict. I know I have written a long posting what I am trying to tell you is that there is nothing you or your family can do to get through to her.