Ok so now I have no choice......how do I tell a man who I love more than life itself about my bpd????? I was shocked My E came home last night......he saw a text message I had written during one of my bpd moments.....how do I explain to him about the needing? How do I explain everything when I have hurt him ......I am not going to say all of this is my fault and not laying to blame at his door step either....just so damn confused and even though he is here I still miss him I am still so lonely. He asked me again tonight to marry him didnt even hesitate and said yes.....I dont think he believes me.....How do I make mistrust right again? You guys know I am no good at relationships I **** em up time and time again and it is always I am going to hurt you before you hurt me....this time it is killing me to see him in so much pain knowing that I did that......what do I do??? I am so lost and confused right now my head is just pounding..... I wont take a drink ( he wouldnt let me if I had it) and I wont do anything crazy, did call my dr today and told them the truth I was thinking about hurting myself ( it just started again with the med changes so I know what it is), I know I wont and have gotten my i's dotted and my t's crossed......more than that I have my fingers crossed and my legs arms and eyes too I am praying he doesnt leave me forever.....but understood why he would want too.....ughhhh my head is pounding!
Pamm