Confused757,
Not to be harsh but, why in the world would you give him the time to read to you out of the Big Book? In my opinion (and speaking from the perspective of a recovering alcoholic) all he was doing there was trying to get himself off the hook for hurting you and abusing your trust. That's what I meant when I wrote about boundaries. You have to protect yourself from his manipulations. Hang up on him if he wants to talk about anything other than money or the kids.
You have every right to be angry as heck. Just because the Big Book talks about alcoholics deserving forgivness doesn't mean your husband deserves it from you right now at this point. In my opinion, forgiveness is something that comes over time and with a lot of contemplation and education. It's not something I can just say I'm going to do and then, presto, it's done.
You're husband appears to be still deeply devoted to alcohol and lying and feeling sorry for himself. (Of course, I may be wrong about that but that's just what it sounds like to me.) You don't have to listen to a single word he has to say about you and what you should or should not do. All you need to do is take care of yourself and your children.
Taking care of yourself and your children is hard enough. Let your husband read the Big Book and hopefully he will find his way to sobriety. You might try Alanon, like others have said. And Alanon has it's own book.
I hope I don't sound harsh. My own husband has had a very, very hard time forgiving my behavior when I was a drunk. Well, basically, he hasn't forgiven me. And I'm sober now for over 70 days and working my program - and I never had any affairs or anything. And we live together and are trying to make it work. But if there's one thing that I think he could do differently (instead of finding a lot of fault with me and being suspicious of all my actions) is that he could educate himself and take responsiblity for his own behavior by going to Alanon and reading their book.
I am sorry that you are in pain. I really am. And I know you are confused and hurting. I hope my response didn't make anything worse. You deserve to be happy. And I pray your husband gets that proverbial bolt of lightening that helps him see more clearly what his life has become and how he is hurting the people he loves. Until he gets serious about his sobriety, I hope you can find a way to protect yourself from his manipulations.
Hang in there and take care of yourself.