Originally Posted by
thatoneguy 
How long one continues to sit in the loop of A choosing to drink, bringing about negative consequences, and then one sticking to his/her boundary by removing him/herself from the situation is relative, is it not? Simply acknowledging internally that A's behavior is going to take a toll on you and the relationship, one which could become too much if left unchecked, I don't find to be an ultimatum but rather being honestly self aware. With your line of thought, Barb, anyone who discontinues the enabling of that loop has set an ultimatum. If I were sitting here saying that I won't let A get fired because of the drinking, the codie police would be out in force. So what would be the difference if I refuse the prospect of the relationship ending because of the drinking? To arbitrarily bar any given consequence from befalling an A as a result of his/her drinking is rather codish, is it not?
I think you've misinterpreted what I said or I didn't phrase it well. I think I did better in the thread about why ultimatims are bad.
The leaving I mentioned in my original response to you was in terms of drinken behavior from anyone, not necessarily someone I am personally involved with. I jsut have no desire to bearound drunks anymore. I've gotten to the point where I find it something I just don't need in my life.
When I finally left my AH, setting the ultimate boundary I guess, it was not an ultimatim for changing his behavior. I specifically told him I hoped he would someday admit to his alcoholism and get into recovery but I also specifically told him it was his life to live as he saw fit. I left for me and my son, to give us a better life. I did not do it with any expectation that it would lead AH to change. And it hasn't led him in that direction. His choice.