This seemed to resonate a bit, as she sidetracked the conversation to neutral topics, and just decided not to go out with these friends. My mood didn't immediately buoy, however, and it didn't sit well with her. At first she was angry...expecting me to do a 180 and be chipper and loving because she didn't drink, even saying that me acting this way just made her want to drink more. Then after a bit of time, she became sullen, saying how she always manages to screw things up and will never get it right, coming close to admitting that she has a problem with alcohol, but not outright saying it. She also seemed floored, at the time, that I would be near the point of breaking up with her...and yet at other times she's been incredibly frightened that it was going to happen. She responded with, "but at least I didn't drink."
I thought life would be fine if he just quit drinking...little did I know that I had just opened a can of worms. Once the alcohol was removed from the living situation there was a whole new physcodrama that emerged which left me both physically and mentally exhausted. What you describe above is a small glimmer of what my 'dry' ah was like at any given moment after he quit without a program. There is a really good pamphet available through Al Anon - A Merry-Go-Round Named Denial which does a fine job of decribing living with effects of a loved one's addiciton. Here is the link.
The merry go round It seems to be an awfully fine line between genuinely attempting to get help with one's condition and doing just enough to take the heat off for a while.
I find alcoholism highly insidious.
Most people I know in recovery don't have a fine line; their line is highly boldfaced, embossed, cemented and entirely clear. There is no question about what they are and no question that their recovery is first and foremost in their lives.
BTW, I find it interesting that you refer to your post as a
novellas. A short prose tale often characterized by moral teaching or satire. A fictional prose narrative that is longer and more complex than a short story; a short novel.
Freudianism perhaps?
Your write beautifully! Keep posting!
Best wishes