Hmmm. I sometimes still feel paralyzed by those memories, and I think I do still hold resentment. One big reason is that my husband has a different memory of what happened during a few big occasions, and I feel like if I bring it up NOW, he will say, "why didn't you tell me back when it happened instead of waiting all this time."
Let me give you an example. When my daughter was 6 weeks and going through one of THOSE NEAT AND FUN growth spurts, she wasn't sleeping for more than an hour at a time. She was hungry constantly or needed comforting all the time. Well, he was still coming down off of meth (he wasn't the same and able to really function for a few months--so tired all the time, would sleep and sleep.) Well, he had slept until 2pm and got up for work. He saw how tired and exhausted I was. I mean, I remember looking in the mirror and I was harrowed, pale, barely able to function.
He said, "I'm calling in sick to work so I can help you."
"Great!" I thought. He called in sick, then took the baby and took her into bed with him so he could go back to sleep! That's not watching a baby. So, I took her with me again and he slept for another 7 hours.
When he tells people about our hardships at home after she was born (typical parent stuff,) he always says, "well I really helped a lot. I even called in sick to help her during the 6 week growth spurt."
I sit there thinking, "you have got to be kidding me."
I guess if he didn't gloat about helping (which maybe he dreamed this all up, who knows,) I guess I wouldn't feel resentment! But, it's like he's using that moment to try and prove to others how great of a dad he is/was and it just annoys me. I want to tell him, "we have VERY different views of this" and I honestly think it might help me let it go. BUT, then there's the idea of bringing up the past so long after it's happened.
Sorry this is so much, but I really want to move past this resentment thing. Maybe I just need to make the choice to do it and bite my tongue (and grind my teeth) every time he brings that up to someone else. I know it's the "bigger person" thing to do, but I'm still honked off about it. I guess I haven't forgiven him for that because he doesn't understand what really happened.
(sigh)
Talked myself in circles.
Bleh....