Originally Posted by warrens

GoFish

I certainly don't have any advice. I think the only thing that you can "control" right now, is your own sobriety. Your situation is way over my head. Somehow, you are summoning the courage to approach sobriety in a very difficult environment.

I have always felt that our most powerful "message" to others is that which we model. One of my greatest inspirations is a lifelong friend who has been sober for 20 years. He doesn't preach, he doesn't condescend, he simply demonstrates to me that what he has is worth having and can be done. This from a former "crazy dude" whose drinking put mine to shame.

Of course you must address her health. That is the human thing to do. But wanting and willingness never come from coercion, only from within. I'm sure everything inside you wishes to grab her hand and pull her in the lifeboat. Perhaps if she wants you badly enough and what you have, she will swim towards it. As for now, she may well think that you've abandoned her. In time she will realize that the opposite is true.

I think you can do nothing more loving than to become sober. To be a quiet model of wanting and willingness.

I hate writing things that smack of "advice." Very risky business and only you have the situation in front of you. Only you have shared your past. Perhaps she will respond to directness. If so, go for it. But the one thing I have no hesitation in advising is for you to keep your own eyes on your prize. It is a gift to yourself and quite possibly for her.

Best of luck!

warren