gofish1331

Hello everyone. I am so glad I googled and found this site. I am a 39 year old man and I have been drinking since 1983....my 25th anniversary! I have been sober for 6 days and there is no going back. I have accepted my higher power and I am returning to my congregation meetings tomorrow. I am very happy to have quit and I know it's only been 6 days but I did stay sober before for 2 and 1/2 years and I am feeling good about this time being forever. The reason I started looking on line was to find out what type of help is available for my wife. We have been drinking together for about 15 years and have had some very serious problems because of it. She is currently binging and not able to stop.... It is a real mess, I am in need of advice, can anyone help?
If this belongs in another area ( moderators ) please let me know where it goes!
Thanks!

reed

Good job on you 6 days sober and deciding to change your life forever.

I suggest you and your wife start attending AA meetings. Medical detox may be necessary for your wife as well.

Stay Happy.

CarolD

Welcome to our recovery community...

Good to know you are heading into a better future
Congratulations!

Is your wife wanting to stop?

gofish1331

Thank you Reed. Because I sat across the table and drank with her she won't hear anything I say now. I feel like a hypocrite, I wish I could get through to her, she hasn't eaten in 6 days.

gofish1331

Not yet, no bottom in sight

Mattcake

Welcome to SR You'll find lots of support here, for both you and your wife. Congratulations on your sobriety. Co-addicted couple treatment can be thorny, I suggest you concentrate primarily on your own recovery while obviously keeping an eye out on your wife. If you get proper treatment for yourself, chances are you'll be able to help her out in a much more effective way. AA and seeking out a doctor might be good choices as well.

Take care

Matt

CarolD

I know I could not convince anyone to quit drinking
and I certainly did try.
So I have no positive experienes to share...wish I did.

Blessings to both of you

Hevyn

Hi Gofish. I've been there. My husband (now dead) & I were drinking buddies for over 12 yrs. When I got scared of our lifestyle and tried to quit he felt he had been betrayed and resented it very much. He'd lost his best friend. After all, most of our best conversations had been held on barstools, drinks in hand. (Long after we parted I went on to have major problems of my own, but that's another story.) I still remember those days of watching him destroy himself, being the classic enabler, arguing with him, (you may as well talk to a wall), trying to get him to see what he was doing to us. I agree, unless someone sees the light you can't do it for them. You're setting a great example, so I'm hoping maybe your wife will see how good you're doing and want to give sobriety a try. It is hard and it is scary, and you have to learn to live again in a whole new way. You might find the Friends & Family forum helpful too. Love, Joanie

gofish1331

Thank you Matt, thank you Carol. She was actually willing to go to Detox two days ago but we couldn't get a bed! This is her second relapse in less than a year and I'm scared...enough whining.
Thanks again.

gofish1331

It hurts like heck doesn't it! We are best friends and only now I see that's parly because we were drinking buddies! I will stay sober I have too much to live for and I definatly see my sobriety as life and death.
Thanks Joanie.

CarolD

When I was dealing with 2 of my adult childrens addictions
(before mine were a problem)
I did find the program of Al anon immensley helpful.
It's free and for the Friends and Families of drinkers.

Hope this helps...

gofish1331

I will investigate right now! Thanks Carol.

countrycasual

DH & I quit 6 months ago yesterday after a few trial runs. It isn't easy. We found a support group that was through a provincial program, not AA/Al Anon. But the object of the game is the same..help for both of you.
Best of luck with this.

nogard

Welcome to SR

Opal

Hi, I'm gettin' desperate. Usually, I have one bottle of wine a night. But, I'm married to a gambler. When he gets outta control, so do I, then I think what's tha bloody point. I have days when I only drank that 1 bottle, over 9 hours.There's more. I'm agoraphobic, social anxiety. I'm just a mess.Even tried suicide ,that didn't work. I hope I haven't upset anyone. Is there any agoraphobics in here?

BUTTERFLY-7

sugErspun

When I was actively drinking - I became agoraphobic, I still have a little social anxiety, it seems to get better the further I get from my last drink.

There are many benefits to sobriety - the return to mental stability is a big one for me.

Rusty Zipper

gofish, happy you googled your way here...

gofish yep, it is...

my future intended... dead also...

fish, work on your recovery, alanons a great adendium for you...

and wifeys recovery is just that...

what helped me...

be available for her, nothing more, nothing less...

you first!

good wishes fish

rz

gofish1331

Thank you, one more day under my belt, that makes one week but makes me strong! I am available but where do you draw the line to enabeling? Anyone have a guide line, is there anything online that explains that issue?

warrens

GoFish

I certainly don't have any advice. I think the only thing that you can "control" right now, is your own sobriety. Your situation is way over my head. Somehow, you are summoning the courage to approach sobriety in a very difficult environment.

I have always felt that our most powerful "message" to others is that which we model. One of my greatest inspirations is a lifelong friend who has been sober for 20 years. He doesn't preach, he doesn't condescend, he simply demonstrates to me that what he has is worth having and can be done. This from a former "crazy dude" whose drinking put mine to shame.

Of course you must address her health. That is the human thing to do. But wanting and willingness never come from coercion, only from within. I'm sure everything inside you wishes to grab her hand and pull her in the lifeboat. Perhaps if she wants you badly enough and what you have, she will swim towards it. As for now, she may well think that you've abandoned her. In time she will realize that the opposite is true.

I think you can do nothing more loving than to become sober. To be a quiet model of wanting and willingness.

I hate writing things that smack of "advice." Very risky business and only you have the situation in front of you. Only you have shared your past. Perhaps she will respond to directness. If so, go for it. But the one thing I have no hesitation in advising is for you to keep your own eyes on your prize. It is a gift to yourself and quite possibly for her.

Best of luck!

warren