I feel for you mle-sober. As I stated before, I am very grateful he is working a program. It is the issue weather or not he is an alcoholic. I spoke with my sponsor about this issue alot. I know intellecually that it is NOT my place to decide this for him and to have faith that everything is as it should be. But sometimes I feel resentful that he goes to meetings for "his" alcoholic....and I don't want to feel that way. The evil me thinks that he was drinking and drugging long before he met me....why all the sudden is he going to alanon to support me in my problem solving?? That's the "evil" me talking. But most of the time I know that whatever 12 steps program you are working will benefit you in life.
You know my sponsor did reccomend me going to an alanon meeting but this town is soooo small...only 3 meeting in a 30 mile radius and my husband goes to all of them and quite frankly I was raised by two alcoholics and have been in several relationships with alcoholics ( big suprise ) so I probably could learn alot about myself there too....but for now I need to concentrate on this recovery program.