I feel like I'm losing it!
My AH is now in (early) recovery, and I'm starting to realize just how much work I've got to do on myself.
At this point, it doesn't take much to turn me into a screaming lunatic.
He's fifteen minutes late to pick up our son for school, and by the time he gets here (with apologies) I'm plotting out the divorce proceedings!
There's still this part of my brain that truly feels like he owes me a period of perfection to make up for the months of imperfection. I know that he owes me nothing. The grown-up, independent part of me doesn't even really want to be owed, but there is still a very upset child living inside me.
She likes to scream, "This isn't fair!", and stomp her feet.
Meanwhile, the addict is calm and understanding, giving me a hug and saying things like "Let yourself feel it, Mel, that's the only way to get to the other side of it."
Huh?!!
Who is this man? We are having such a weird role reversal!
I have got to get some STEPS going.
Can I get a little serenity over here, please?
-TC